Discovery
by Lizlego
Summary: This is a parody!! Legolas, Thranduil, Elrond, and so on make discoveries.;-) Now chapter 7! Read and have fun with it!!!
1. Legolas

Disclaimer: Tolkien owns everything...including me. :-)

Warnings: This is a parody. You know what parody is, right? You're not supposed to read it seriously. If you don't have any sense of humour don't read it. It also includes slash material. If you don't approve idea of slash in any case you are going to dislike this fic.       

Author's notes: This is my first fiction in here so be nice to me, will ya?:-) I'm not a native English speaker but I'll do my best to use the language properly. LizzyTygrestick's story "A Wild Goose Chase" gave me this idea. This is not an attempt to be a serious piece of art.:-) 

Legolas' pov

On that day I was still a very very young elf. I was also very very very very bored. Mirkwood has always been a boring place for elflings. Nothing to do except wander around in the forest. Trees were nice to chat with but sometimes I wished I had had more lively company to play with. I couldn't compete with trees in running - it took them 100+ years to get themselves moving. Other elves were about 50 years older than me so I was mostly alone. 

On the afternoon I went to walk in the woods, again. The sky was boringly blue. I wished it had been black. Some thunder and lightning would have been exciting. I had my bow with me although I knew there wouldn't be any orcs to shoot at. If there had been my father would have already locked me into my room.

"You're too young..." That was his favourite line. The rest of it could be anything you could think of.

"To drink. To have sex. To shoot orcs." All fun was forbidden to me. My father was probably born old. 

Suddenly a voice coming ahead of me disturbed my bored brains. I knew that voice only too well. It was my father. I stopped to listen if he was talking to me but realized a moment later that he didn't know I was there. He was too occupied in conversing with his companion, Lord Elrond. 

When did he get here? I didn't remember Elrond arriving but then again he was visiting here so often I wouldn't have necessarily paid any attention to that. I wondered if Elladan and Elrohir were with him too. I could have used their company but then I heard something that made me listen more carefully

"He is so stubborn. I fear all the time that he will get into trouble." My father said. Curse it, he was talking about me!! It couldn't mean anybody else. 

"Were we any different at his age? Remember that time your parents held a party in here? We were forbidden to join them so we held a party of our own. Remember what happened?" Elrond sounded slightly amused

"Oh that!! How could I forget…we stole some wine and got ourselves so drunk that…" Father's sentence came abruptly to a halt. It was obvious he was bothered by that thought of the past. Elrond continued where he had left of 

"We couldn't remember how we ended up in bed together." He said that like he was talking about commonly known things in every day life. What in the _Valar's_ name??!!! My father had woken up in bed with Lord Elrond!!!??? I wondered if my mother knew about this. 

"I thought I was in bed with Celebrían, the elf-girl of my dreams. So I touched her silky hair and body, her perfect thighs…only to discover that she had…something you don't expect girls to have." Elrond went on saying. I had a real problem to breathe after hearing that and my mind was busy building up an image of my father with Elrond…yikes! 

"Must you remind me!?" Father asked and sighed. Elrond was laughing and said teasingly. 

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" 

"No, but I never forget the look on my mother's face when she entered the room and saw us there on the bed, all naked." My father said thoughtfully. So there was that secret my grandmother always threatened to tell everybody when she wasn't pleased with her son! 

"Do you think we really…?" I heard Elrond ask after a brief silence. 

"No! No, I don't think we really…!" My father said almost too quickly and after that started talking about weather. I listened to them no more. I was so much in a hurry to return back home and share my news with my brothers. This proved to be a worthy knowledge we had a lot of use in the future.

The End


	2. Thranduil

A/N: I was glad to see so many reviews to my first ever fic so added a sequel to it. Hope you have fun with it!!     

Thranduil's pov

After having a long and somewhat tiring walk in the woods with Elrond I withdrew to my room to have a little nap. I was getting old though I was barely 100000000000 thousand years old. All the worries were wearing me off. Safety of my kingdom, my reckless son Legolas and my secrets, all those were overloading my poor grey brain cells. 

I tried not to think about the party but it kept popping to my head. Damn Elrond, did he have to remind me? I bet he did it on purpose. He loved to see the ashamed blush on my face. It hadn't been his mother who had seen us in bed! Besides he didn't know all that had happened that night. What would've he been thinking if he had known I had put some drops of draught to his drink and dragged him into my room? What if he knew who else had been there in bed with him?         

I let out a deep sigh and then grinned as the thought came: "_I should tell him the truth and see how his face looked then." But I couldn't tell. I had given my word not to. I heard a knock at my door and Legolas entered the room. I didn't like the look on his face. It was telling me I was going to be very annoyed with him. _

"What is it, son?" I asked gently like a good father should. Legolas stared at me for a moment before asking 

"Why is Lord Elrond so often visiting you?" He showed the most innocent face but he couldn't fool me. He had something in his mind.

"He is a dear friend of mine. That's why." I explained patiently.  

"But why does he always want to be ALONE with you?" He then continued asking and I couldn't stop my mind picturing that cursed bed again.

"Legolas, spit it out!" I ordered him 

"I heard you talking with him in the woods and say you were with him…like that." 

"Like that?" 

"You know…like that…doing…IT."  He was blushing strongly when saying that. 

"What would you know about…IT?? You're too young to know anything about…IT!" He couldn't possibly know!! He was still well under 1000 years of age! Way too young to think about…IT. But wait! He knew about me and Elrond! Now I was fucked up big time. Legolas wasn't one to keep secrets to himself. 

"But father! Surely you know all elflings at my age have already done…IT!! I did...IT with Haldir when he last time visited…!!" He went silent after noticing he had talked too much. I almost wanted to laugh at that but then I pictured my too young son in bed with Haldir…yikes!! 

"Haldir! I'm gonna kill him!!" At least this was a good chance to distract my son's thoughts away from me and Elrond. 

"We were just trying…IT. To see if we could do…IT." He whispered looking ever so frightened. 

"Yeah…so were we."   


	3. Elrond

A/N: I'm glad to see some people do enjoy this crazy fic.;-) Added a short chapter!!! Enjoy all!!

Elrond's pov

I felt goddamn terrific on that afternoon. Life was so amusing sometimes. Poor Thranduil was still ashamed of that night. What would've he been thinking if he had known I had been fully aware with whom I had been in bed? It would have shocked him tremendously if he had known I had made no mistake when I had touched him. He would have probably died simply out of shame. He had never understood what having fun really meant! What a pity! 

My thinking and laughing process was badly interrupted by my twins who rushed into my room all of a sudden. Elladan was sobbing and looking badly distressed, Elrohir just seemed embarrassed and thoughtful. 

"Have you been teasing your brother again?" I asked him and felt anger raising its nasty head. He returned my look too steadily and I started to sense my day was going to be ruined. I sighed.

"No, father. It was not me. Legolas upset him when he told him that you…you tried f*****g with his father." He said that with a questioning gaze in his eyes.  

"He told you WHAT??!!" Curse it! I had been wrong. Thranduil's son was surely getting into trouble, more than I had done at his age. That brat needed to be taught a lesson. But curse it again! How in the _Elbereth_'s name my sons knew about f*****g! I had raised them better than that, hadn't I? I had protected them from bad influences. I was an exception of course.

"You don't know what you're talking about!!" I should have washed his mouth with soap.

"But I do know!! My mentor, Glorfindel, has taught me to f**k!!" He cried out with a high voice. Glorfindel?? Glorfindel???!!! I couldn't prevent myself from imagining Glorfindel teaching Elrohir to…yikes!! Had he also taught THAT to Elladan? Double yikes!!! That made me almost to vomit. It was no doubt a time to change some staff in my house!! 

"He exceeded his authorities!! He was only supposed to show it to me!" Me and my big mouth! Now I had done it!                           


	4. Elladan

A/N: Thanks thanks thanks all of you for your reviews!!!! I'm glad to see so many of you have found it funny!! I have had a great time writing it…J!! Says something about my mind…ok, on with the story. We go on slowly slowly ever so slowly towards a disclosure…not yet there though!!! J Enjoy!!!

Elladan's pov

It was the most confusing day of my life. First Legolas was suggesting my father did…THAT..with his father. That made me cry. Then I heard my brother saying Glorfindel had taught him to …f**k!! I didn't know what that was but it sounded kind of…DIRTY! I had to think it all over in privacy so I went to walk in the woods. Unfortunately it didn't help me much since trees didn't co-operate with me. They didn't want to tell me what was…THAT. They said I was too young to think about…IT. Stupid trees. Luckily I encountered Legolas. 

"Sorry about what I said, Ell. I didn't want to make you feel bad. " He said quietly. 

"It's okay." I replied and then forced myself to ask the question that was bothering me the most.

"Legolas…can you tell me about something? What is…THAT…f*****g?" My face was surely as red as my father's favorite robes! Legolas looked at me like I was asking something very silly and then he chuckled. 

"You really don't know!?!" He was clearly amused. I shook my head. 

"Couldn't you help me? Couldn't you show…THAT…f*****g…to me?" I whispered. At first he gazed at me like I had said something crazy but then a little grin appeared onto his face. 

"Hmm…why not indeed…" He murmured and continued to observe me carefully. 

"Do you like me?" He asked after a while and looked at me now almost too intensively.

"You know I do." I simply answered and wondered if THAT had anything to do with liking. 

"No…I mean…you don't find me repulsive or anything?" He rephrased his sentence and I cried out

"No! I like you, Legolas! I REALLY do!" I desperately wanted to know about…THAT…f*****g…no matter if it was…DIRTY. Everybody else seemed to know about IT! 

"Okay okay, I believe you. Come with me then." He grabbed my arm and led me in to his room. 

"Is it going to hurt?" I asked as I was worried but he just smiled reassuringly. 

"No. You're going to like it, I assure you, dear Ell." It was disturbing he called me dear but I ignored it as I needed him to show me how to do…f*****g. He closed the door behind us and started taking off his clothes. 

"What are you doing?" I was shocked and stared at him with my mouth wide open. 

"Ah! My dear Ell, I can't teach you to do f*****g with your clothes on." He sounded like a patient teacher. That made me remember that my mentor, Erestor had been ready to show me…THAT…some time ago but I had refused. It had sounded too…DIRTY. I considered if it would offend him that I let Legolas teach me now. Nah! So I took off my pants and a thought about my father naked with Thranduil popped into my head…yikes! And after that a picture of my brother with Glorfindel…double yikes!! And then I realized I was here naked with Legolas…triple yikes!!! 

"I'm ready. Now what?" I asked Legolas almost in panic but he didn't have time to answer as the door slid open and his mother looked in, a moment later screamed and finally fainted. 

So that was about…THAT… 


	5. Galadriel

Galadriel's POV

It was the most embarrassing day of my life. First I had this brilliant idea to travel to Rivendell with my husband to see our daughter but after we arrived we heard she had left with her husband and sons to Mirkwood. What a bad timing we had! My fountain had not showed me them leaving. I thought maybe it was time to change the batteries of that thing again.

Lord Glorfindel was in charge in Rivendell and I wondered again was it really that hard for my son-in-law to find quality staff for his home. Not that I didn't regard Glorfindel as a handsome man but he was totally lacking in brains. On a second thought it wasn't necessarily a bad combination for a male elf. Just a look at my husband confirmed me that.

Later that day Glorfindel arranged a party for me and my husband though I was sure it was actually Erestor's idea. I tried not to drink many glasses of wine but after a few I lost a count of them. Much much later I found myself dancing on the table with Erestor and decided it was time to go to bed before things got out of hand. 

Finding my room improved to be a one difficult task. Rivendell had always seemed a hard place to figure out and for a drunken elf it was impossibly difficult. After couple of mistakes I managed to climb to my own bed. I was almost asleep when I heard someone was in my room…and then in my bed! 

"My darling…is that really you?" I couldn't believe it was true! For about 1234567890 years we hadn't had any sex and I had almost come to wonder if I had lost some of my attractiveness. He didn't answer but rather froze like he was suddenly changing his mind. 

"Come to me, love! It has been too long since we did…IT!" I hated how I sounded horny but every girl has her needs. The room was dark but even in that dim light his hair looked different. It was dark instead of shining grey but I quickly concluded it was only so because I was drunk. 

"Talk to me, my love!" I asked and laid my hands on his chest. I wished I could have seen his face. 

"Er…" He was obviously unable to speak. He had probably missed me so much he lost all his words. How romantic! 

"I have never loved anyone but you! Can you still remember our first time?" I kissed his chest gently and felt he was really tensed. He was turning his head away when I tried to kiss his lips. Curse it! He was playing hard to catch. 

"Er…?" He muttered and I sighed. Men! They never remember the best moments. That's not surprising though. After all, all their blood is in their…THINGS when they make love. Thus the memory losses. 

"Never mind. Let us just do it, my love." I whispered my voice full of passion. 

"Er…" He responded as to be expected. His voice was more raspy than usual and I wondered if he had caught a cold or something. I had so many times said to him that he should quit smoking. It didn't do good to his sexy voice. But that night I had determined not to start yacking so I didn't say anything about it. 

"Tell me you want me!" I demanded 

"Er…" 

"Tell me I'm the Lady of your heart!" I almost cried out as his silence was really starting to annoy me. 

"Er…" 

"What's the matter with you!!!??? No more er…!!!!" I just couldn't take it any longer. He would better start talking now. 

"Er…milady. I tried to tell you I have made a mistake. I was going to the room next to yours." He finally responded and I realized it wasn't my husband at all. It was Erestor. And I was naked in bed with him…yikes! 

I must have fainted because when I looked around he wasn't there anymore. I sighed in relief but then the thought came. The room next to mine. Had Erestor just implied he was going to do…THAT with my husband? An image of them came into my brains, I screamed and fainted again. 

The End 


	6. Erestor

A/N: Thanks for everyone who has reviewed this fic of mine. I noticed I have made many mistakes and that my story is not consistent but I'm not sure if it is a problem or not…      

Erestor's pov

On that day I promised to stop drinking. As Lord Elrond was out of Rivendell I was on charge. Officially Lord Glorfindel of course outranked me but I knew that was only to keep him and our Gods happy. I had seriously started doubting the wisdom of the Valar. Why on Middle-Earth had they returned from Mandos a guy who couldn't even remember my phone number to dial in case of an emergency? I had told him about 911 911 911 times it was 911!  _Valaronly knows…or maybe they really don't…what kind of damage he might have caused if I hadn't always been there watching over his shoulders.  _

As a chief advisor of the House of Elrond I advised Glorfindel to hold a party for the Lady of the Woods who had arrived earlier on the day. Glorfindel agreed and I noticed that in 0,0000000019 thousand years* I broke my promise to stop drinking. Few happy hours later I found myself in Galadriel's bed. That was a terrifying incident but luckily she fainted and I had a chance to sneak out of the room. I saw I had really been mistaken by one room as my door had always been the last on the right. It was strange that I couldn't remember giving her the room next to mine but I deducted it was only due to my drunkenness. 

I slipped into my room and to my bed only to remark I wasn't there alone. What now, I sighed. 

"Darling, is that really you?" Yikes! It was Celeborn's voice! Though I was an advisor I found it difficult to advice myself whether I should be his darling or not. He quickly decided for me. 

"Come to me, love! It has been too long since we did…IT." He whispered longingly and grabbed me into tight embrace. His hold was so rough I had hard time to breathe. 

"Talk to me, my love!" He said and then kissed my neck 

"Er…" I had a strong sensation of deja vú and I thought it probably wouldn't look good on my record of achievements that I have been in bed with Elrond's mother- and father-in-law during the same night. 

"I have never loved anyone but you! Can you still remember our first time?" He asked and tried to kiss my lips. I considered shortly the possibility that he really loved me but surely I would then remember our first time…wouldn't I? Curse it! I wasn't sure! After that one ancient morning when I had woken up in bed with Thranduil and Elrond I couldn't be sure of anything. 

"Er…?" I was trying to buy some time. He sounded drunk. I figured if I had any like luck he would fall asleep shortly. I begged the Valar not to take a revenge on me because of my previous doubts of their knowledge and intelligence.

"Never mind. Let us just do it, my love." Celeborn pleaded and his hand almost reached the area I didn't want him to discover. I blocked it as cautiously as I could.

"Er…" I muttered and he began to be annoyed

Tell me you want me!" He demanded 

"Er…" I was definitely running out of words

"Tell me I'm the Lady of your heart!"  Did he really say ´lady'? Ai Elbereth! He truly was in unison with his wife! What a perfect marriage! That is if he thought I was Galadriel and if he hadn't come to my bed on purpose.

"Er…" I said. At that moment I sold my soul to Sauron and to all devils if they would save me! 

"What's the matter with you!!!??? No more er…!!!!" He cried out in agony and I could swear I felt his hard…THING to poke against my thigh. 

"Er…milady. I tried to tell you I have made a mistake. I was going to the room next to yours." Curse it again! It wasn't enough I called him 'milady '! I also told him I was going to his wife's room! Well, technically I had already been there but…he punched me right into my face and then fell asleep. Luckily I was (and still am) so hard nosed he caused me no injury.  I left the room sighing in relief. 

Back in the corridor I realized I had taken a left turn one corner too soon. Why had Elrond built a house that was way too big for him and his 111222333444555666777888999 servants? I sighed deeply when I finally reached my own private rooms and slid into my bed. Only to find out I wasn't there alone…yikes!!!   

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A/N: * That measure is about equal to one hour. As you may have noticed the dialogue is exactly the same than in chapter 5.                 


	7. Glorfindel

A/N: It's about a year about the latest update but thought still continue this!            

Glorfindel's pov

On that day I was the Master of Rivendell. It made me feel powerful and wise although I was on charge only because Lord Elrond had gone to visit his friend in Mirkwood. I was wondering for the 666th time what evil possessed him to think I couldn't manage well with my duties and would he ever recognize my true value. As always my pondering gave me two conclusions:  

1. No, he wouldn't ever recognize my true value and 

2. I would be wondering about that same question again tomorrow. Curse it!

In the morning I was pretty seriously bored. Ever since the twins were born Rivendell had been a quiet place and I had been a nanny and a teacher instead of a warrior. Not that I had anything to complain about. Elrohir had been a good apprentice but I had had no idea what all I would have to eventually teach him! I couldn't say I hadn't liked it but I knew Elrond would kill me if he ever found out about it. 

Just after thinking that I heard his voice calling my name

"Lord Glorfindel!" Any time he called me 'lord' it meant I was in trouble. 

"Yes, my Lord?" I said and turned to face him but couldn't see him anywhere. 

"I'm not there, you fool! I'm talking to you through mental messenger!" I felt myself blushing for not getting it immediately. Then again he hadn't contacted me like this but only once when he had been locked up in his bathroom…

"Glorfindel!"…and had got stuck in a window…

"Glorfindel!!!!"…when trying to get out of there. Indeed, it had been a funny sight. 

"GLORFINDEL!!", his tone of voice told me that he was really reading my mind now and I thought it would be better for me not to think about a lesson I gave to Elrohir…curse it again! Elrond's voice was so loud it almost removed my head off my shoulders.      

"I knew that already! I will kill you when I come back! But first I will teach you a lesson just like I taught a lesson to that brat of Thranduil, Legolas!", he yelled. Did he mean he did…THAT with Legolas? And now wanted to do exactly…THAT same with me? Cool! Couldn't wait for it!

"I didn't say…THAT!" He sounded suddenly amused and my brains went on imagining him together with a young elf that looked even prettier than me…yikes! Impossible!

"Hmm…you know that was not a bad sight." He remarked laughing and before I had a chance to think clearly what I was doing an image popped into my brains. As a result he simply screamed inside my head  

"THAT…THAT…THAT didn't happen!" I didn't say that IT did, my Lord! I couldn't hear any response to this thought. He had lost contact with me. Probably he had collapsed out of mere shock. After all I had just imagined him in bed with his father-in-law…yikes! 

Later on that day Galadriel arrived and Erestor suggested me to arrange a big party for her and her husband. I did as he asked and ordered 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 barrels of wine. Erestor kindly corrected my order and put the number '1' in front of the row of numbers. Party was great but as I drank my fair share of the wine I lost my normal sexual control. I braced myself to kiss the most beautiful girl of the dance floor. I grabbed her to my arms, closed my eyes and kissed her for a long time regardless of her kneeing me and once kicking me straight to my precious…THINGS. Thought the kiss was well worth of few bruises.

Finally I opened my eyes again and discovered that I was standing face to face with Celeborn. Major yikes! No wonder the girl had wore pants instead of a skirt and had appeared to have her trousers strangely filled up at the front. Before Celeborn had time to react I ran out of the room as fast as my shaking legs could carry me. That…incident…had brought into my mind that time in Gondolin when I and that Balrog…had died. _Valar_ had called me a pervert and said it was more suitable for me to stay in Middle-Earth than to wander in Mandos halls and possibly harass the fellow dead. Don't know what they were babbling about.       

I reached my room without other accidents and closed my door all relieved but then I saw that there were two pairs of shoes, socks and underpants on the floor. As my eyes grew accustomed to the darkness I also noticed there were two figures lying on my bed and judging from their…FORMS…they were both male and naked! Yikes it and curse it!                           


End file.
